And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
