Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Acid is not a monday night drug
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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