So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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