Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
