I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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