dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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