After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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