She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
