Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I believe in your delicious
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize