is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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