I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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