This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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