i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
