walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's shark week go big or go home
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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