you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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