and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
