I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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