where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
