please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
