I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
