WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
