My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
