oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
