ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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