Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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