Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
