You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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