The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
