guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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