i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
