lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
