I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
