i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
