I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
