I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
