at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
