I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
