i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
