Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
