I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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