You made me cry and you don't even care
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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