My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
