Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
