i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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