sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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