you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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