I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
