i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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