The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
