There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
