If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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