The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
