She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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