Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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