no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
