Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
