What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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