I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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