i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
