Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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