ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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