I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
