i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
