Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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