it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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