It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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