i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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