According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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