weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize